Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay a while.

Tonight, we are young.

Hey you! Yeah you looking at this post right now! I just want you to know that no matter what you’ve done or what you’re going through, you are loved so very much!

It Gets Better

Well I’ve never really written a blog or whatever before, so I’m not really sure how to start this. So I guess I’ll just start with this.

 I’m eighteen years old and I hate my body. I have had issues with appearence and weight probably since I was about fourteen. Although at the time it was nothing serious. I was self concious about myself just like every other young teenage girl. I started expirementing with throwing up and things like that. It didn’t last for too long and I quit. But from sixteen on I was watching what I ate constantly. And not in a healthy way, I would try to only eat once or twice a day. I wasn’t stick thin but I’ve never weighed more than 110 pounds. At the beginning of summer 2011 my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me, I guess that was my breaking point. After that I went wild. Drinking, smoking, sex, weed, you name it I was doing it. Anything to get my mind off him. My faith was weakened over that summer. I didn’t go to church as much as I should have. I was down to 100 pounds. I would only eat about once a day if that. Every once in a while the throwing up phase would kick in if I felt like I had to much. I was mentally sick. I would look up pictures of ‘Thinspo’ and feed off of that. I based my definition of beauty on girls who could hardly hold themselves up. Friends would comment on how much thinner I looked. But I still hated it. One thing I’ve learned about any kind of body image disorder is that even if your at the exact definition of what you think is perfect, it’s still not good enough. Nothing you do will ever be good enough in your own eyes. You say you just want to be perfect to everyone else when really you just want to be perfect to yourself. Which is unattainable. What girls don’t understand is that there is NO perfect body. I’m speaking from expirience. Don’t try to have someone else’s body, cause odds are they are doing and thinking the same thing you are. Everybody would like to change at least one thing about their body. I know I would. But don’t set your standards up so high that you set yourself up for disappointment. Around the end of that summer 2011, the night before I was going to go to a youth camp with my church. I was drinking a Mikes Hard Lemonade, and I was thinking “What am I doing? This isn’t me. Why am I behaving this way?”

So I put down my drink and went home. I went to youth camp that week and realized there are so many more important things than partying and worrying about my weight. So I started making changes. I no longer drink, smoke or cuss. And about three months ago that boy that dumped me saw those changes. We’ve been back together for about three months now. And we are planning on staying together for a ‘long’ time ;) I’m back in church more consistently as well. I still have issues with weight and appearence but I’m a step in the right direction. I’m getting there. I guess the reason I’m writing this is to let girl and guys with this problem know that you aren’t alone. There are other people who are going through the same things you are, maybe even worse. So weather you’re recovered, sick, or just now feeling these things, just know that it will get better. If you’ve got God on your side than who can be against you? If I help at least one person with this well at least I’ve done something good.